Catherine Gerard, Director of the
Program for the Advancement of Research on Conflict and Collaboration
(PARCC), Maxwell School of Syracuse University, offered a mini-workshop on Managing Conflict and Communication to the faculty and staff involved in SU WiSE/AVANCE. We cannot control the other person, so she gives advice to help you remain
civil (so you don't become the difficult person!) and ensure the
other person feels heard, so that a dialogue is possible. Much of this is accomplished through "Reflective Listening", Query, Assertion, and Anchoring. These
techniques do rely on you being the bigger person, so if you are not willing to assume that role, a different workshop is in order.
Many in the session were concerned with the wording of "I feel [unappreciated, put upon, even farther behind
schedule, etc]....when...." relaying concern
that while it is more approachable language, it also puts you in too
vulnerable a position by admitting something so human (feminine?) as emotions (which have no place in science or the workplace, after all). Plus, it kinda feels like pandering. Doesn't "I am..." get to that same point? She and a
clinician participant disagreed--note how "kinda feels" qualifies the pandering comment as an interpretation or an assumption, not as fact, so its less accusing or threatening. They also noted that 1) it takes practice
to use this phrasing comfortably and 2) if we truly know it would distract
from the point with that particular conflict monger, adapt the wording accordingly.
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