What
works for them: They arrange their class
schedules on opposite days, so the one not teaching
can prepare dinner, chauffer, chaperone, etc., split
household duties, and they renegotiate when this
ceases to work.
Daughter
has been to many meetings and defenses.
Rosemary reserves an hour a day for herself which
she spends in the gym (similarly, one of the
participants learned to play an instrument); she
firmly believes that this helps her be better at
everything else, and that its a good model for her
daughter. She doesn't go to all the meetings
she would like--sometimes its Larry's turn. Ask for
help. The waiting list for the daycare at her
previous institution was 150 families long; they
called weekly to check. She suspects they just
got tired of the phone calls and moved her to the
top.
Specific questions: How did you survive the
time between when your daughter was 10 and 14?
Rosemary shared her remembrance that she had
personally loved when her mom had asked her opinion,
and the realization that this was true for her own
daughter. Between homework and
extracurricular activities and sleep, do kids even
do chores anymore? Time crunched moms often
find it more expedient to do it themselves rather
than supervising or taking time to teach to do task
correctly. But this ends up a disservice to
both. Rotate responsibilities, and accept that
things won't necessarily be done as well for
now. When Rosemary was a child, there were 7
rotating tasks, including "the expediter" who
made sure all the other tasks were completed.
She
asked participants about their particular struggles:
time, staying upbeat, a little time in the gym to
keep sane, getting kids through it, too.
Two of
the participants took the same route as Rosemary's
mom, and are now pursuing degrees. Other
successful
strategies: ditch unsupportive spouse
(especially if abusive), move into a smaller place
with easier upkeep and less opportunities for
mooching by adult children. Some solutions don't
work for everyone: Theoretically we could
"farm out" cooking and cleaning, but not on most
student budgets!
This
discussion was facilitated by Rosemary O'Leary,
Distinguished Professor of
Public Administration;
Distinguished
Professor and Phanstiel Chair in Strategic
Management and Leadership;
Co-Director, Program for
the Analysis and Resolution of Conflict; and Senior
Research Associate in both the
Campbell Public Affairs Institute
and
Center for Environmental Policy and Administration
at Syracuse University. It was
co-sponsored by the Graduate Student Association as
part of their yearlong series Surviving Grad School
101.